It has only been a few months since my brothers and I had to say goodbye to you as you stepped into your new life in Heaven. As Christmas approaches I find myself in a void desperately grasping for what to do now. You were the one that I and my brothers depended on to really help us with what Christmas is really about, the celebration of Jesus and the strength of family. But there were things mom that I never told you and that now seem so important for you to know. So I am writing this letter to you, hoping that you will somehow receive this message and know how much we really loved you!
Looking back on my childhood I remember getting up way to early on Christmas morning and racing to the tree to see what Santa had left for me and my 2 brothers. The toys were always exactly what we wanted and even some were what we needed. But the best part Mom was something else. Yes the toys were great and we had the best time playing with them (and even a couple of fights between brothers over who got to play with what as boys do), but looking over at you while we were unwrapping presents and seeing this incredible light in your eyes and the joy you felt, well Mom that is something I now cherish and yearn for. And then you would compliment that light with that funny little smile that was unmistakably you and somehow I knew Christmas was really here. It breaks my heart that I won't see that light or feel the warmth of your smile, but I know it's god's turn now.
I remember something else that has a lot of meaning on Christmas. Christmas day was always one of those days that you look forward to all year long and it goes by ever so fast. But there was one thing about you mom that for a moment, time seemed to pause. Everything slowed down in a single moment and all was exactly how it should be. No matter how cold it was outside. No matter what the the presents were there was one gift that I know now I counted on every year, looked forward to, and that was the big hug you gave each of us as you said that Merry Christmas! I am really gonna miss that hug Mom, that strong embrace that took up almost no time but meant an eternity to me, and that last whispered "I love you" as you went to clean up the strips of Christmas paper strewn about.
There was something about Christmas that burned so brightly within you, something that could be felt by all those that came around you. I now know what it was, it was your love for us Because what other time of year do we stop and just tell those we care about how much we love them. Sure we say the words all year long, but for some reason Christmas is the time when love is the driving force behind the season. No one showed it better than you. No one expressed it better than you, and no one lived it better than you.
Even though my heart aches for that smile. Even though I yearn for that hug, I know it can never be again. I MISS YOU MOM!!! there are days when I cannot believe that I can continue, but then I hear it, that voice. The voice of reason that tells me that there is so much more out in the world for me to grasp. I hear that voice tell me that I need to be strong for for my brothers. It's you Mom, telling me that Christmas for us must continue, that your love did not die with you but continues in our hearts! I get it. And I will do my best to make you proud! But before I go I must say one thing to you... I truly love you Mom and I will never forget what it was that you tried to teach us - To love each other without hesitation. I hear you Mom and I know that this christmas you will still be there, in our hearts loving us and hugging us the way you always will!!!
Love Chip
